Thoughts...

I realize I have been a little lax in my blogging lately. I guess I just like to blog when I have some inspiring thought or something amazing in this journey happens. The reality is the journey is not always that amazing. In fact it is downright frustrating and heartbreaking at times. So, I guess at times I just don't want to say,"yep it's Monday. No I don't have any news, and yes it is making crazy." Ah, but alas, God steps in at what always seems to be the very last minute. Just when I am done with the frustration, just when I want to give in, and think how is it I can put one foot in front of the other? Yesterday was one of those rough mornings. I had dreamt Grace and I were in a drug store. She was wandering down the aisles in the make up section oohing and ahhing at the colors. We carefully picked out the right shade of nail polish and I remember thinking to myself how fun it would be sitting at her toddler table giving my girl a manicure. Then...I woke up. In my bed, my girl many miles away with my baby boy. Wow, awful reality check. I drove to work, praise music blasting, hoping to put my mind in a different place. When I arrived at work, I checked my email and there it was. The message from the mama who brought her baby home yesterday. She emailed to say that she had kissed all the babies in the orphanage from their Mama's. I can see her doling out kisses, intentionally, one by one, baby by baby. She said Alex smiled the biggest with his mama kiss. Somehow he knew the kiss was from me. Then, there was the Facebook comment on my newest picture of Grace. The look on Grace's face I must admit was that of a diva. She had a new hairdo and seemed a little annoyed with the camera. The other mama laughed at how our girls there, who are buddies, are both such diva's. I thought of my dream then and the nail polish. Suddenly, it was no longer the disappointment it started out to be. My disappointment turned to excitement as I thought about Alex's reaction to his mama kiss, and how my dream was right on with this beautiful little girl. I was able to put one foot in front of the other by thinking about manicures, pedicures, hairdo's and Grace's future in the world of shopping and high fashion. I flat out smiled as I pictured my 5 ft 10 husband wit his 50 inch chest crammed into a toddler table playing tea party with her and calling himself Mrs. Nesbit. As I began to see the light it dawned on me...we need a toddler table. I better get busy.