Empty Water

Time is dragging on here. Every day with no passport news is excruciating. Somehow not being near the end was difficult, but now that we are closer it is almost harder. A good friend warned me of that. The fact of the matter is I am not a "go with the flow" person. I am a planner, detail focused person. These nebulous situations can...well...make me a little crazy. So, on Weds on a whim I decided, at the urging of my oldest son and his friends, we needed a distraction. I packed up the car and took three teenagers and my 7 year old for an overnight at Great Wolf Lodge and a trip to the Cincinnati Zoo. Yesterday I found myself, as I often do in the summer, poolside. I looked out over the water and became acutely aware it was empty. I tried to insert Grace and Alex into this scenario. I thought about them in their bathing suits I bought them, hers a white Polo one piece with pink polo ponies all over it, and Alex's a light electric blue, also with a big Polo pony on it just like Zachary's (and yes I love the Polo outlet!). Thinking about them missing and the reality of the empty water settled over me. No, my friends, not an easy emotion.

I turned to prayer. Isn't that what we do when times are hard?  I asked God why I got empty water. Empty arms and empty water. At that moment my attention was turned to the water flowing down some rocks into the pool I was in. That water was not empty. It was moving, alive almost as it cascaded down. It reminded me of the analogy that Jesus is the living water. I thought about how all this crazy adoption started in the first place. The money showing up where it had not been there, meeting the man who would bring us Grace now almost two years ago at a rudimentary vegetable stand on the side of the mountain. So many things along the way. Gracie's impact on orphanage visitors, and Alex's. As a newborn his imprint left such a lasting impression on someone she began her own adoption. All those thoughts came rushing at me at once and I finally realized the water may be empty right at this moment but it won't always be. It will spring to life just as our adoption has and will probably be warmer, sunnier, and more beautiful than I can imagine.