What Would You Do?

I suppose the running theme of this adoption is "wait." Fill out papers, wait. Visit the babies, wait. Complete one step, wait. On and on it goes. Many times people say to me, "How do you do it?". "How do you stand it?". These conversations will end a lot of the times with the other person saying,"I couldn't do it." usually this leads to accolades to my ability to perservere, as if I have some special skill they don't. I really don't I am just stuck here with nothing else to do but wait. It is not a special skill, more a special variety of frustration and longing to have my babies home. I am very good at getting entangled in this mix of emotions, as a lot of us mamas are.

Today, however I was a bit embarrassed by my entanglement as I was provided with Grace's story from my special friend Whitney. Whitney is a wonderful Christian lady who is living in Haiti for the next few months. She visits my babies every week and is often my eyes and ears. Yesterday, she learned Grace's family lives deep in the mountains. Her mother walked for eight hours, then commissioned a tap tap, which is a truck of some sort with seats placed in the truck bed. Tap taps are all over Haiti and used to get from place to place. Her tap tap ride was eight hours after her eight hour walk to drop off Grace. She has many children and cannot feed them all, so she sacrificed Grace so she could have a better life. I have always said I could not give up my child, but I think about my little Grace in her birth mother's arms walking. There are not fancy strollers there or safe walking trails, just gravel and a mother's arms. What must have gone through her mind through all those hours? How is it she persevered and did not turn around and bring her home? In my mind, her desire for Grace to live was greater than any discomfort she may have had or grief she must have felt. Her commitment to Grace did not end there. So far she has undergone court proceedings as she gave up her rights, and a host of paper filings. It makes my persevering through a long wait almost seem like a joke.

When we named her Grace, it was due to my strong sense of God's grace through this process. This story reminds me once again how she will continue to teach me grace. Once again, that Matt Maher song echoes in the corners of my mind through the pain of the wait,"Your Grace is enough, your Grace is enough, your Grace is enough for me."