Learning About Grace

Ever since the decision was made to name our new daughter Grace, it seems I see her name at every turn. In my earlier blogs I mention her name appearing in songs. Songs I listen to each day. They make me smile as I think abut my beautiful babies waiting for me. At first, I thought this was God's plan. God reminding me of His gifts on the way to me. A way to ease the suffering and frustration in the wait. The reality is, as I mentioned earlier, this girl came to me in a dream. I dreamt I was pregnant. I could feel her move in my dream. I gave birth, then there she was, a beautiful girl. I named her Grace in that dream. I remember waking up last July when that happened. I smiled at my husband and told him God was bringing us a girl and her name was Grace. I think he didn't totally trust what I was saying, but over time, he felt it too. Now, here she is. Alex was brought by God too, but he was brought into being by Zachary, who at age four, explained to me one night he had been chatting with God. He explained God told him he would have a brother his size and he would be brown. This was long before our Haiti journey began.

Anyway, back to Grace. I am beginning to think this is not about a song easing my suffering in the wait. This is about me learning a very important lesson. Tonight, ironically the sermon was about Grace. The grace that God gives us no matter what. He overlooks our imperfections and sinful nature, and hands us grace that just passes understanding and what an amazing gift that is. All this time, I thought I understood Grace. It turns out I only grasped a small crumb of knowledge about this. The pastor went on to talk about God loving the unlovable and that is what He asks of us too. He talked about his own adoption journey of a child of a different race born addicted to drugs and how no matter what he loved this child. It reminded me of some of our obstacles in the way of adopting children out of our race. Some of the insensitive things people say. My favorite was the woman at work who said,"Wow, that is really popular now, adopting those children". I wanted to respond with a smart remark like,"yes, popular like the Vera Bradley bag I got, or my iPhone." it further reminded me of the remarks about saving more money and leaving the children behind. Though the message I found myself realizing that God's grace trumps all. By loving these children, god will give me his Grace and that will stand up forever beyond all fashion trends and money.

I guess I better keep working on understanding God's grace better, but one thing I decided wasi have a leg up on most people...I will have a living breathing beautiful little Grace to love and hold anytime I forget. Oh yea, I get the added bonus of a snuggly little Alex too! So blessed.