Once again I am living in the flurry of adoption paperwork and preparing. Today I have cleaned the house, emailed off inquiries on how to get documents authenticated and worked on our psychological evaluation. Oh yeah, I worked 12 hours in the trauma center too! In the midst of it I was given the chance to pause for a moment. I was on the way home and got a call from my dad, who after discussing a particularly delicate medical matter, I hung up and was driving and listening to klove. As I listened I started to realize something. I was frustrated. I scurry around and do all of this playing beat the clock to get it all done, but Nate isn't here. He is in an orphanage and for yet another night I don't get to tuck him in.
As frustrating as this is, I realized something. Here is a boy, beautiful and perfect and I love him. I have never seen him in person, never held his hand, never counted his fingers and toes, yet God has changed me. He has created a space in my heart for him and I love him. I slowly began to recognize this feeling. It was the one I had when we drove away from the orphanage the first time 14 years ago without the children, as we were sent home to wait. I had it again ten years later as I boarded the plane without my child when again, I was sent home to wait. I hate this feeling.
Then I got home. Later Tim followed and he seemed so upbeat. He told me it would all work out just fine. He couldn't hide his excitement. It was hard to be down with him so excited. Patience is something God uses I have always been told. One day I will figure out why. It really isn't my strong suit, but I will try. :)
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